Its a new week and as usual I asked God for a sign cuz I had so many unanswered questions in my head…In His loving nature and since He always answers my prayers, I got my sign and I’m really grateful.🙏
Relationships are a big deal in this our generation and you not having a boyfriend is like not knowing your name or your birthday or who your parents are.. Yes its that crucial but thing is, we generally have rules and conditions for them to work. There are rules and there are “rules”. You can have rules like ” its just really gonna be us two against the world, no listening to friends, being totally honest” etc. They aren’t really rules but basics of a relationship. But when you come up with stuff like” If I text you, reply immediately. You can’t text anyone else after 9pm. I need to meet all your friends. Give me all your passwords” etc, then there’s a problem. We often forget love is uncontional and we can’t force people into doing stuff just to please us. Its not some sort of trap where one is your prisoner…its a mutual agreement.
Truth is, if we are in a relationship with someone and there are rules, its either because of them or us and 80% of the time, its us. So tell me, what’s the need of being in a relationship with someone you don’t trust? At the end of the day, you can’t fully commit to the relationship because you’re busy wondering what Mr/Miss is doing instead of focusing on something else.
Don’t get me wrong. Most of the time, the other person has done nothing to hurt us. We are the problem. They haven’t even given you a reason to doubt them. They haven’t cheated, you’ve always been their priority, they don’t act “funny”. But because you don’t truly love yourself, you find faults and try eliminating doubts you alone have by putting those rules on your partner. If you are confident about yourself and you know your worth, why can’t you believe someone can love you just for who you are and more?
When your partner loves those littles things about us and are real with us, we start thinking ” Nah this guy must surely want something in return” or ” this is just fake. No one can really love me this way”. Believe me, I have done/thought this and to be honest, its frustrating for the other. Truth is, you do love him but you aren’t letting him love you the way he’s suppose to. Now, him putting in all the efforts and seeing you being relentless and doubtful, pulls him down, leaving him wondering if you really do love him. I’ve heard things like:
-” Babe I really love your smile. Whenever I think about you, I’m always happy.” In my head its “stop flattering me“.
– “Bae your size is just perfect to me. I can carry you so easily”. But in my head its ” I’m just too small. I need to get more weight“.
-” You need to try make-up, wear heels for you’ll really look good in them”. In my head it’s “ I just love my sneakers. Make-up? Its expensive..blablabla”
– “Wear more feminine clothes. Own your beauty. You are really cute but just imagine you in this dress, you’ll be awesome”. In my head ” I’m fine the way I am”.
I can go all day picturing out all this stuff but do you get my point? He sees me for what I truly am but what do I see? Someone who’s trying to change me or just someone trying to flatter and stuff. No one is trying to change me. That’s someone bringing out all my outer and inner beauty. I don’t even realize how pretty I am, I don’t see the little things that make me unique. I haven’t sat and just admired myself and said ” wow Sammy, you look good in this dress” or that ” make up really fits me” (believe me, I’m really super cute in make up). I just didn’t love myself enough to recognize that or even let him love me that way. Technically, I was not ready for the love I deserved.
In such a case, you need time to find what you truly love about yourself and trust someone who deserves you will do so too. Maybe you’ve found him but you arent letting him do so. You need to love yourself before you’re capable of loving another. I’m very impatient and I just hate waiting and living in uncertainties but if something is really yours, it’ll always be and like I said in one of my posts, TRUST THE PROCESS. We will make people do things for us just to test them, to see if they truly love us. But we might as well be chasing them because we are breaking them in the process. It all starts with us.
Love is a decision but it cant be a forced one. You can’t put an embargo on someone. If someone loves you, they’ll do that endlessly/unconditionally. If you need security to calm your insecurities, then you don’t need a relationship. Love everything about yourself, all your perfect imperfections. If not, you’ll feel empty with your partner and even more empty,if they leave you. Love should always be in you, it should never be transfered/conditioned depending if you’re dating or not. Believe people when they actually tell you they love you and stop acting on them.
I hope this post blesses someone as I was blessed. Being in a relationship and having someone matured in it is a blessing but you growing as an individual everyday, learning from your setbacks and working to be a better person is grace. If you read this and it hits a spot, I hope you reflect on it and realize where you went wrong. The first step to every cure is acceptance. If anyone is to ever love you, it has to be you first. So tell me, are you ready for what you deserve?
Have a beautiful beginning of week. God bless.