I thought…

 

I thought it was going to be easy, that I’ll get everything I want and life will move on smoothly.

I thought I’ll possibly just skip over without having to bear consequences or face reality.

I thought everything will fall at my feet and I’ll just walk by and not work for anything.

I thought I was always gonna have someone to back me up, someone to ‘use’ whenever I needed a service.

I thought my life will be a fairytale, and I could use my magic wand and create a perfect life…

I thought I’ll go free from my wrongs and won’t have to give explanations for my actions.

Well, so many things I thought could happen. And I believed life was that way you know; just you, living just the way you want/feel like. Oh, then reality hit me so hard I couldn’t recognise myself. I fell so low I could barely see the sky anymore. What was blue or white or whatever color it seemed to be, turned red and suddenly black. My world was crashing. I had to reconsider my whole life; all my choices, everything I had ever planned. I had to start afresh, kinda forget what happened and the past and it’s been a journey of reminiscing, building up, accepting one’s faults. I still sit  and wonder how life would have been if I didn’t do what I did. If it would have been better or worst. Maybe it would have been worst and I would have been more lost than I am right now. Maybe it would have been better and I would have been able to do everything I ever wanted. No one really knows. But knowing my situation now, I just know now is now. There is no ” I thought it would be easy” or ” I wish I didn’t do this and that“…There’s just the present and hoping to make a better future.

The same way I have been thinking before is the same way I’m thinking now and I’ll be thinking tomorrow. It’s part of life  and right now I’m thinking if it’s a good idea posting this (lol)…My point is, making a big life change is pretty scary but you can’t take the bold step if you keep thinking or living in the past. The best gift in life is a second chance but again, a second chance means nothing if you haven’t learned from your mistakes. Don’t stay in the past, there’s more to see ahead of you. Be strong and hold on to your dream. It’s not about how may times you fall, but how fast you pick yourself up. Think less and let God guide you through the process. I thought writing this will be hard but I made it…(giggles)

Have a wonderful sunday and may you believe more in yourself. God bless.

Sammy J.

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