From 100 to 0 real quick

Me: “Hey Alice, how are you doing girl?”

Alice: “I’m all good and you?”

Me:” I’m alright. Have you heard from the crew ever since? I kinda lost my phone so I need their numbers and all.”

Alice: “No I haven’t. And I don’t have their numbers either.”

Me (actually astonished):” Why? What happened?

Alice: “I can’t really say. We just stopped talking!

How many times have you heard this statement? We just stopped talking. Just like that? There was no break, no interval, no dialogue or no point in time where someone said “ hey where’s A because its been long I heard from him/her?” How can someone who once meant the world to you, someone you shared everything with, someone you once called a best friend, a sister, a close friend even to the point of calling them family, suddenly turned into a stranger the second later? Does it mean the friendship/relationship was just all fool’s game? Was everything faked? Did it mean anything to any of you guys? So many questions popping but who’s bold enough to say what truly happened? Who’ll be brave enough to admit at some point he/she failed to play his/her part? Who?…well let me break it down for you!

Communication they say is key to everything. On all social media, through pictures, in blogs, everyone talks about how important it is to talk to the ones we love,to express our deep feelings. But how many of us truly put in time into it? What about those who actually wanna try the whole communication process? Is the partner/friend willing to listen? Is he/she open enough? Is the person truly heard or they just sit staring at the other waiting for them to finish talking and simply walk out on them or reply with some judgmental stuff. No more frequent texting, the replies come in slow, we get bored of eacother etc. Everyone has his own story and way of interpretation but there are 4 things I found which usually break everything.

1)Pride:

      No one wants to admit he needs the other. There’s this feeling of “I can’t pour myself into this friendship/relationship…I might be seen as a weak someone for being caring or dependent of someone”. When I look at my friendships, I’ve always been the one turning to them. I mean, I’ll always check on u even when I felt I was the ony one putting in effort, the only one really caring. But I’ve seen lots of moments blow out because at some point one person thought “If he/she cares, he’ll look for me”. And soon you wonder why you’re all on your own. Do not wait for love to love. Do not wait for appreciation to appreciate. You need to be able to give before you receive.

2)Unspoken words:

So many people fall apart because there isn’t much of dialogue. A situation comes up and you feel a certain way but you keep it to yourself. With time, it turns to contempt, disgust for the other person, misunderstandings occur and bam! there is no more bestie or boo or sweetie. Everything goes in flames cuz we can no longer stand each other. If you just took the time to say “ Hey, I know this is happening but this is how I’m feel. I’m uncomfortable and maybe I eed time or let’s just talk this out.” Life will definitely be a better place.

3)Impatience hence wrong choice of words:

I’m a champion at this one and I’ve pissed people so much with this. I don’t usually think before saying something because for me it’s very normal. But the person standing infront of me just got butchered by my words and his ego took a great shot. There’s a saying “Not all truths are worth hearing” (sorry I just did a direct translation from french). A friend boldly told me he doesn’t believe in that and all truths must be spoken, whether you like it or not. Maybe but mind the way you voice them out. When I send a text to someone, I’ve estimated and calculated the necesary time for you to view it, hence replying. Once that deadline reaches, oulala, I might send you a very uncomfortable message later on saying you’re ignoring me and stuff. yup! I’m that impatient and it has been a great deal in my relationships lately. So, know yourself. Be a little more patient with people and learn to choose your words. Lately I really do take my time before replying somene. I want to be as clear as possible but also sensitive to how my counterpart might feel.

4)The “if I miss you, I’ll text you” formula.

I was shocked when I found out about this. You know, maybe somewhere deep within, we know this, but for someone to voice it out to you, breaks you. I get it now, so if you don’t miss me, you won’t text me right? Exactly! There is this feeling of missing someone to the point of texting them, even if its just a hello. You missed them, you just needed to make sure they are fine. Others still do have that missing feeling yet restrain themselves. help yourself and do write that text. be the humble one, the understanding one.

I’m a person of extremes; I either care way too much or not at all. I’m so attached to people and not having them at a point in time frustrates me. So I might as well start blowing up your phone with messages and reasons why I get so impatient when my replies come in slow. I can’t bear it. It’s like I was being forgotten. There are situations which require me to actaully step out of the show just for you to have a piece of mind, but you’ll always see me creeping in a few times just to really make sure u good. But most importantly to let you know I care and I’m there for you.

Play your part. Be the one who shows the example and maintains the relationships. Some might actually stay for life and others might not. That’s life but my goal is to never regret. I don’t wanna sit back and say “I wish I had put in more effort. I wish I had given my all”. This is exactly what I wanna do;I want to give it my best, my all and if it ends up happening, breaking, at least I would be at peace with myself. I’ll simply look back and smile and say ” Thank you Lord for that friendship/relationship because at that moment, it was the best thing that happened to me.” God bless.

Sammy J.

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