Confidence they say, is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Maybe that’s why I never felt sexy.
Always in my jeans, wearing my sneakers and caps, I’ve never been too touchy about how I looked and all. I’m shy so obviously I don’t like being noticed reasons why I’ll find clothes which generally don’t show off! Not only was I low in my appearance but in my character too. You’ll never really see me answer a question in class, whether I know the answer or not. During oral presentations, I fumble on my words and get so nervous. In a group activity, I simply listen and agree to almost everything. Never really been the type to stand up for my ideas and express myself. I get influenced by people’s opinions way too much in such a way that, once I get a negative comment about something I like/love, I switch just to be in ‘accordance’ with these people. Emotion wise, I get scary, wondering if what I’m running into will last and if I won’t end up heartbroken. And the list goes on and on…
The truth is, it’s not even about appearance. Whether you wear short things, expose yourself or you’re in baggies. Whether you’re a gothic or church girl. Whether you’re a nappy or a specialist in Brazilian hair. You could even be the prettiest and dress like a diva but if there is no true acceptance of who you really are, it’s all waste. What matters the most is how you really feel about yourself.
So, I love piercings, always been my fantasy right from boarding school. Wanted to have like 2-3 holes on my ears and one on my nose. Just didn’t have the courage to. Maybe I did yet didn’t go for it. I think I was more concerned about what people will say about me(Back again with people’s opinions). I kinda pushed the idea and so lately it came back but it was the nose piercing I wanted. I then decided to try one…those ones you can put and remove. I took the necessary pictures, made a collage and posted them. I love testing…knowing exactly what’s going on in people’s minds. And that comment came in..a friend of mine spoke to me about it. He said “Your nose ring is cool but it’s not really my thing. It makes you look nasty“…damn! I think my ego took a big shot at the moment. He actually meant “Naughty” but too late for the apologies..I was already pissed. It then struck me : “It’s just his opinion. It has nothing to do with who I am. It doesn’t define me as an individual. It’s my choice”.
You see, we are very judgmental about certain things in life: Piercings, ankle jewelry, tattoos, designed hairstyles, boys doing dreads and there are lots of stereotypes assigned to them. They are either prostitutes, rascals, stubborn children, naughty girls, dropouts or whatever. I don’t like tattoos and that’s my way but I don’t judge anyone for them. I actually have a lot of friends who are tattooed and each has a meaning and is impotant to them. I totally respect that and it doesn’t change who they are. They are real and unlike most of us, they’ve decided to express themselves in their own different ways.
My sister once told me: “Look Sammy, there are certain things you’ll do or buy or wear I won’t necessarily like and I might even get mad but it’ll pass. If you love it, wear it, buy it as long as you actually use it and you’re comfortable with it. It’s your choice so own up for it!” Everything changed for me after she said this. I felt I could rule the world (I’m usually scared of doing stuff so it was like a go-ahead for me..lol).
Today I decided to accept those little flaws I have but most importantly, to please myself. To do me! To know what I want, to stick to it. To be bold enough, more daring and adventurous. People will always talk, whether good or bad and if you keep doing things in function of what others say, they’ll make decisions for you which necessarily won’t match your view of things. So do it anyway and don’t look back. Own up for your choices, that’s the only way you can be respected.
Confidence is silent while insecurities are loud. Confidence is not about “They will like me” but about “I’ll be fine if they don’t”. It’s not about walking in a room with your nose in the air and thinking you’re better than everyone else. It’s about not having to compare yourself with anybody in the first place. You won’t need to do anything. Everyone will love your presence, the way you carry yourself because they’ll detect that audacity in you. When you’re comfortable in your own skin, you’re beautiful.
Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinion drown out your inner voice. A tiger doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep. For a minute I was hurt about what my friend said but then I understood that’s life. You can’t please everyone, you are not jellof rice! So just do you and be proud of it. God bless!