After a long day at work, I quickly rushed home for some rest but I ended up having a Skype chat with one of my bestfriends and it was amazing. I haven’t spoken to friends in a while due to some circumstances but mostly because I felt I wasn’t deserving of their love anymore. I doubted her and she was disappointed and so I felt I had lost her respect, her love. So I went hiding, being on my own and just wishing things fall in place. In our human nature, we tend to look for love, affection, appreciation and honestly, I missed her. I missed our friendship and to cut the story short, I called her on Skype and this made my night. I’m at peace I could make it up to her and I simply realized nothing really changed. True friendships lasts no matter the storms.
Peace they say is a stress-free state of security and calmness that comes when there’s no fighting or war, everything coexisting in perfect harmony and freedom. I felt this way for I had kept in so much I just had break free. I apologized and I know only my actions might make matters better but we cool. Everyone says we should be in harmony with our neightbours to live happily. The second greatest commandment is “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12.31) and I think it’s the hardest to apply because you need to watch your words, our actions, your manners towards your brother/sister. It takes a whole level of discipline but once you get this straight, I think you’re good to go. The Bible goes ahead to tell us more about peace : “ They must turn away from evil and do good, they must seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3.11) “Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.” (James 3.18). So at the end of the day, seek peace if you want to prosper and it explains why I was so relieved. I had done the right thing. But here are the real questions: Are you at peace with yourself? Do you look at yourself at the mirror and are proud of yourself? Do you love yourself? Have you forgiven yourself?
Answering these questions is so vital to our survival, our well being. I have sinned, both against God and man. Against God because I didn’t follow His commandments and I disobeyed Him. Against men because I hurt my fellow brethen. I was selfish, inconsiderate hence misleading people. All these mistakes brought me where I am today but I guess that’s what make me human. I’m not perfect neither are you. Now, how you move on really proves your character. Do you sit back and cry over your life and hate yourself for what you did? Yeah you need to be remorseful for your deeds but the key is to pick yourself up. I can’t hate myself for those abberations. I shouldn’t because they don’t make me. You can go about asking people for forgiveness but nothing really changes if you don’t forgive yourself deeply and truly. At the end of day, even if they forgave you, you’ll still have this feeling of insecurity and feeling you’ll never really change/ be better cuz you consider yourself a failure. Change your perspective of yourself and embrace growth. They are meant to guide you, not define you. The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased. It can only be accepted so there’s no need punishing yourself for them.
I’m learning to let go of my shortcomings and those mistakes I made. I wasn’t conscious then but now I am and I’m willing to forgive myself. I’m making peace with myself and letting go. It’s the best gift I can give to myself so why not grab it now? I pray I simply grow and become my best version. I know the road is long but I’m walking it one step at a time. Forgive yourself, you are not perfect. Show yourself grace, you are still learning. Show yourself patience, you are on a journey. God bless.