The best apology is changed behavior.

Time for Change - Ornate Clock

A kid runs to his dad crying and when his dad asks what’s wrong he says :

Son: I really hurt Johnny and apologized but he doesn’t want to listen to me.

Dad: Why did you hurt him?

Son: I don’t know. I thought it was ok hitting him.

Dad: How many times did you hit him?

Son: Many times.

So his dad takes him into his room and gives him a mirror and asks him to break it. Thing he does. Now his dad asks him to try putting back all the pieces but his son can’t.

Dad: Sometimes saying sorry doesn’t help and you can’t fix what’s already broken. You’ll have to change your behavior for Johnny to forgive you OK?

His son nods in agreement…

How many times do you say ‘sorry’ when you know you did something wrong? Do you even say you’re sorry at all? The question isn’t if you say sorry but why do you say it? Is it just to cool the situation or because you actually admit and know you went wrong? And if you do know you were wrong, are you willing to change and do better?

I have this special person in my life and I have been playing with his nerves and hurting him. I’m trying to put this in a way that doesn’t seem dramatic but honestly I messed up. So he said to me : ” Seriously, if…no…when you hurt me again ( cuz I know you’ll hurt me again), then I would have had enough.” And this was the hardest truth someone has ever told me. I live with this everyday. I cried cuz I knew I was losing someone I loved cuz I didn’t want to change or at least, I didn’t try to.I loved my comfort zone too much. And it hurt the more cuz this person loved me yet I was able to be that way. I’m a word person ( if it even exists) for when things are shaking, I just start talking. Saying things like “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, I know I hurt you but its the last time” etc and you know the usual talk right? But just like the mirror, I broke him, his heart and he was hurting and at that moment, I’m sorry meant nothing!

There are three stages of an apology: I’m sorry, I won’t do it again and how can I make it up to you.

1) I’m sorry is a statement.

This is you admitting you were wrong and not letting your ego stand in the way. Sometimes you do say it to ease the atmosphere and when things are cool, you can now have a rational discussion and settle things out. At times, it means nothing to say sorry, but it’s a stepping stone to a future change.

2) I won’t do it again is a promise.

You know you are sorry and you know what you did so the act is stored in your mind. You know it hurt your friend or significant other or family member and you hate hurting them and seeing them in pain so you don’t wanna repeat that. This is you making a promise of not doing it again. A promise is a debt so be careful when using your words.

3) How can I make it up to u is a responsibility.

This is the most important part and usually the one we forget to put into action. Why will you tell me you’re sorry if you really don’t want to change? You’re suppose to take it upon yourself and do what’s necessary to fix your mess. Change proves you’re progressing, that you value them.  You may not even say you’re sorry but by simply changing, you’re confirming you are fighting for them.

Changing is difficult but not changing is fatal. I had to learn this the hard way, after disappointing alot of people. I don’t even know if they still consider me, if they’ll ever want me back, if they’ll ever forgive me but the only way I could have an answer is through change. Remembering everything they ever told me and putting it into action. The more you say words to them and they haven’t sensed a little change in you, the more they’ll draw away from you. And I’m understanding their actions now. It’s  not about your words but about who you are. Your actions, behavior, ways…and no matter how many sweet words you use, your actions will always come contradicting. Like they say: Actions speak louder than words.

I don’t know if anyone is in the same situation like I am but if you ever want to gain their trust/love/care, then you’ll have to change and actually be transformed. You need to understand why you’re doing it and put in all your heart/best. You’ll have to step out of your comfort zone. It’s my month of application so I guess this is going to be my first challenge. No more flimsy words, no more careless acts. I’ll have to be a person of action and if I ever say something, then I should mean it. I’m done talking. Action changes things. 

The best apology is changed behavior. God bless.

Sammy J.

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7 thoughts on “The best apology is changed behavior.

  1. This was great! I’ve been married to the love of my life going on 42 years. Back in our day was a movie with the famous line: Love means never having to say you are sorry. I only recently got it! We’ve had our road bumps…..and I was usually the one who had to say I was sorry and I was the one who never really changed. I’m now finally realizing there isn’t anything that important, I just need to put my needs on the back burner and do what I can to make my husband comfortable/meet his needs/etc. He ALWAYS thinks of me and knows my needs. I’m so blessed. Anyway, you are on the right track!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for this testimony Debbie. No matter what we need to always do our best to always make things work and realize we are on the wrong track and make things right. Have a blessed day and wish you more prosperous years with the love ofyour life. God bless.

      Liked by 1 person

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