Denial vs Realistic Positivity.



Positivity is a concept which could be seen from two ends, both good and bad. Some people think by being positive, we are not being hard enough on ourselves and facing the facts of our failures. Others think being positive plays an important role in our day-to-day life; we tend to be less stressful and our chances of success are higher. I live by the phrase ” Train your mind to see the good in every situation.” because I’ve spent alot of my time stressing alot and it led me nowhere. It has helped me have a wider view of life and honestly, it’s been a great feeling. But then, there’s a difference between being positive and ignoring the truth.

I had a reflection about something and this is what I told myself ” I don’t know if I’m just exercising my faith or I’m being a fool cuz all the signs are there yet I’m holding on to this situation….to this thing I want to happen, this thing I want so badly”. Yes… I may want it to happen but are the conditions suitable? Can this really work out based on circumstances? Am I just lying to myself and hurting the more? Or am I simply trying to run away from reality?

As Christians we are told and asked to walk by faith, not to worry about whatever happens around us, to believe everything will work out perfcectly. ” So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18) So naturally or based on our beliefs, if we have dreams, plans, hopes, wants and we want them to happen, we do have faith and stick to them. Easier said than done and it usually gets worst just when you’re about getting your blessing. Then you get conflicts with you, your being, with reality and then with your faith.

I thought about it and I came up with two types : Denial positivity and Realistic Positivity.

Denial Positivity.

This is when people cannot or choose not to see the reality of a situation. This is what gives positivity a bad name. You turn to this option when you try to explain why something is ineffective. You make excuses. You see the broken pieces and you ignore them. You lie to yourself..maybe to feel better and avoid the pain. You are hopeful. You have yourself say things like:

Oh no, we lost because the other team was way too good” or

The teacher marked me unfairly“.

We don’t want to accept that maybe, just maybe we didn’t prepare well either for the game or the exam and we don’t want to face the consequences. This could apply to any part of your life.

The problem with this is that it gets very frustrating for someone who wants to move on, or make changes and progress in life because they are stuck in their moment and blame the outside world instead of seeing the truth. The problem though is that Denial Positivity surrenders all the power to forces out of your control. While the statements might be true, they reinforce a belief that your happiness is always in the hands of someone else. Which is NOT TRUE. The number one reality of life is you need to understand that you have 100% control of how happy you are. You always have control of how you feel and so if you wanna be sad, you’ll be. Same thing goes with happiness. And this brings me to my second point…Realistic Positivity.

Realistic Positivity.

You could make statements like:

Hey you didn’t finish first but you broke your record” or

He might have refused to publish your book but atleast you finished writing your first novel“.

This is empowering because while accepting the truth, you’re focused on what you achieved, your progress. You are truthful.  This isn’t disclosed by some external forces whether or not someone accepted you. They may matter in the long run but the problem comes when you focus your entire life on attaining these things

Most of our goals seem to be focused on things we don’t have control over. You might hear people say:

I want to lose 50 pounds by next week” or

I want to have a boyfriend when I visit Australia” etc etc.

This is like trying to run a race with a broken leg for the more you go the more it hurts. You have no way to measure your success against goals like these. If you make them realistic and entirely in your realm of control, then things can work. Try things like:

I’m going to exercise an hour every day until the summer holidays” or

I’m going to remain true to myself, will learn to love and appreciate myself, will learn to be comfortable with who I am before getting into a relationship“.

Now how much easier it is to achieve these typa goals? Can you tick them on a calendar once they are done? Ofcourse you can.

Things will change, people will change, you will change but throughout these changes, ask yourself questions: Am I on the right track? Is this worth it? Whatever question it may be and when you choose to answer, give yourself a truthful answer, not a hopeful answer. Always remain true to yourself. Be real, then after knowing/realizing the truth, you can now decide to pour out your faith, that no matter how messy things could be, there’s gonna be a chance for a new life, a new beginning. I wish you all an amazing Sunday. God bless.

Sammy J.


5 thoughts on “Denial vs Realistic Positivity.

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