Here I am Lord.

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Here I am again Lord, holding my little pieces

With a broken heart, some things I could have easily avoided

If I had once listened to my instincts

To that little voice which told me “wrong way, wrong way!

 

I’ve been on my worst behavior

I can’t lie, it felt good for a while

I was chasing people, love, trust, company, anything

And I forgot your arms were always were open for me.

 

I got lost in the way, lost myself with it

Not once, twice or thrice..uncountable times

I pretended it was my last time falling again

And the second later, I fell right back into it, even deeper.

 

My heart’s heavy Lord, I can’t hide it

Really forsaken, the burden is overwhelming

I can’t feel myself, my body, my senses, nothing

I’m just wandering, surely waiting for death’s hands to finally take me.

 

Started this month heartbroken, got me losing my mind

As if it wasn’t enough, the little life left in me was snatched

By another loved one, I wonder what’s happening

Is this you talking to me Lord or simply life messing with my rights?

 

I don’t know what to say Lord

I lack the words, my heart’s weary

I’m tired, extremely running out of reasons to live

And for one last time, I go down on bended knee.

 

I’ve never fallen this low before

Is this rock bottom cuz I can’t take no more

The enemy knew what buttons to press

Now I’m stuck in a pile of my own mess.

 

I’m learning life the rough way

Having to reach out, fight my battles on my own terms

Realizing I need to rely on you first

And letting you take control, getting rid of my wrong ways.

 

 

Here I am Lord,

I don’t even know what I want but one thing’s for sure

I don’t want to feel or live this way anymore

The pain, hurt, curse, weight is way too much

Take them away from me oh Lord, take them all

Or simply call me back to you and free me from it all!

Sammy J.

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10 thoughts on “Here I am Lord.

  1. Hello Sammy, this is so totally gloomy, I can’t click ‘Like’. I fear for you to be sincere. Don’t make mistakes. When you write: I don’t want to feel or live this way anymore .. or .. waiting for death’s hands .. it sounds like giving up, but you also got the warrior spirit in you and why not think that also this warrior spirit comes from God? But to be effective you have to cast out all this gloomy mood and thoughts of giving up, of death .. and so on .. all this is the adversary on the way of inner progress, trust in your faith and your warrior spirit and I don’t think God will ever turn away from you, but God also encourages us to fight our battles, Here I send you a song I re-discovered some time ago – hope it will help you: ‘Stronger Love’ by Joan Armatrading https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mI_1hhRa8Eg
    please be strong Sammy!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much Mira for your kind words. You always do come at the right time. Yeah I might be feeling so gloomy and low lately but I know everythng works for the best. I do write such poems to let out whatever I’m holding in my heart so it doesn’t kill me inside. I won’t give you give a death note or some warning before maybe trying to hurt myself…this I rebuke in Jesus’ Mighty name. I will sure check out your song and be rest assured I’m still here and I won’t give up so easily. Thank you very much Mira. God bless you.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. This is so honest, so true and so beautiful! Love this! I feel this way a lot of times and it’s nice to connect with someone else who does. God sure listens to us and answers us. I pray He comforts you in these dark times. Thanks for sharing.
    Love,
    M.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud , I was given a thorn in my flesh , a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud many times I begged the Lord to take it away . Each time he said “My grace is all you need . My power works best in weakness . ” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions and troubles that I suffer for Christ for when I am weak, then I am strong

    Your deepest sorrow is your greatest opportunity . You can’t control what always happens to you , But you can control how you see what happens to you

    So Lord use me at my darkest hour use me when I am the weakest when I’am at my lowest moment God use me then.

    Liked by 1 person

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