I have been planning this post but I really got lazy along the way but I think it’s time I put things straight. This was meant to be a ” What December taught me” like all my end of month reviews but it’s a new year so I’ll do a 2016 review.
2016 was breathtaking for me because everything was in extremes: I loved hard, laughed hard, changed hard, failed hard, broke down real hard, made mistakes the hardest, got depressed even harder. And I thought I will never make it, I’ll never be able to see through. I wasn’t even able to look at myself in the mirror. Lost weight, lost my motivation, my self-esteem and made people to even bear/carry my cross. Almost gave up on life. I was a complete failure/disaster in my eyes. It was a real gloomy period. But through all this, I realized I was stronger than I thought and there is always a way. Reading this, one might think I never shared happy moments or I didn’t even learn anything but truly, behind those teary eyes was a girl in love, full of hope, who decided to stick to her values, her heart desires and what she truly wanted while finding herself. I have had an amazing support from family and friends and I’m grateful. I loat and won but I’M still standing. This is what 2016 gave me:
I learnt love is about sacrifice, perseverance, selflessness, understanding, trust, communication but most importantly, LOVE IS A CHOICE/DECISION. Life is so full of ups and downs and everyday you learn to know the person you love and what you may see may not please you. But love is about finding reasons to stay even when the storm comes knocking right infront of your face. You do that because you see potential in the person, you chose to be there through it all. I have learnt not to give up on my loved ones. I may not know the true definition of love, but giving up will never be an option. I won’t judge you and I won’t cut you off just because you misbehaved. I’ll love you even when you don’t have any reason to love yourself.
I have goals and my main objective is to not loose sight of where I’m going and to be able to do that, I need to be consistent. Consistent in reading my Bible, in doing my exercices, in not missing any class, in being disciplined, in loving, in caring, in being present for my loved ones. I just want to be consistent.
Staying true to myself/ finding myself:
All those mistakes and drama made me realize that if right from the start I had stated clearly what I wanted, I would have been somewhere different, I would have been different. So as from this year, I’ll listen to my inner self more, I’ll lift myself up more, discover my passions, focus on my books, give more, find what I truly love and I’ll find myself. I just want to grow and be a better version of myself.
I’m a very clingy person. I love affection, I’m so goofy. I play way too much and for this reason I once had this belief my happiness lied in others. I’d prefer chasing people, things, expecting them to keep and make me happy. Reasons why when someone would leave me, I felt my world crashing down, like I couldn’t live without them. Here’s the thing, if I can’t be happy with myself, with who I am, with my whole being, how do I expect to be happy with others? True happiness comes from within and the only way to not feel lonely is learning to enjoy yourself. I’m happy with people around me simply because I let them have a space in my heart, I accepted them to be a part of my life. But I need to be happy with myself too.
I’m learning things won’t always go my way so I’ve got to stop fighting what I can’t control. I can only trust everything will fall into place while growing and being better. Learning from my mistakes, giving myself time to heal and prosper, asking God for guidance. Most importantly, be patient. Never rush cuz you might only get lost in the way.
God is my strength:
I look back and I realize God let everything to me to keep me because if he had given me all my heart desires, I would have forgotten about Him and never even said thank you. I was broken so He could mend me. Fell enough just so he could pick me up. Got lost so he could find me. He kept me so He could use me and I could fully see His infinite mercy. God is good and I know all things will work our perfectly. I pray He gives me strength to follow Him and grow more in His love.
So I got into 2017 with a determined mind, to not give up on my dreams and myself. To love truly, to forgive, to be selfless, to believe more in myself, to find myself, to be better and to let God use me in the best way He can. I hope everyone has had a beautiful beginning of 2017. What are the few changes you made and are already working on? I pray this year is full of miracles, successes and grace. Happy New year in arriers and wishing to share more with you guys. God bless.