They say love is a beautiful thing when you find it. But no one speaks about how devastating it is when lost, felt for the wrong people or betrayed. It’s a complicated world. People have a hard time finding each other but when they do, they’re scared to take the risk. Why is that so? Fear of rejection? Fear of not being loved the way we deserve? Fear of unrequited love? Fear of inconsistency? Fear of not being able to love like we used to? Fear of being hurt? Fear of allowing ourselves to love? Fear, fear, fear…I have been in that cycle for a while now.
I’ve had my share of heartbreaks, of not feeling good enough even when I gave my utmost best, my all and each blow weakened me day by day. At that point when you lose someone you love, someone you shared everything with, someone who meant the world to you, there are a million questions running through your mind: “what did I do wrong?” “Why me?” “Was I ever good enough?” “Is it all my fault?” And while to some questions you might have answers or even closure, others leave you stranded and wondering what the hell is wrong with your life. Cupid surely missed his shot.
With each heartbreak, I learned to appreciate love more and more and my need to find love was over the top. I wanted love, needed love…I had to be loved somehow, by someone. The guilt of my failed relationships made it in such a way that I needed validation from anyone. To tell me I wasn’t a bad person. That the guys I met before didn’t know my worth. They didn’t value me and they made me feel I was the saint. It felt so good knowing I wasn’t at fault after all and those words made me fall for the wrong people and for the wrong reasons. They knew what I needed to hear and once they gave it to me, it was easy to manipulate me. I was so fragile and here was I once more, used and taken advantage of, only to be broken further.
With time, I built walls and dreaded love cuz all I saw were wolves in sheep clothing. Devils disguised as angels. Though my heart longed for true love, my whole being feared any more bad experiences. I became immune to care. You know, sometimes when you’re so used to hurt and pain and when people show you the slightest concern, you wonder ” why are you so nice to me? Why do you care” because you’ve not been used to that. And if you’re not careful, you’ll end up pushing them away due to fear. And that’s the most scary part.
Yes I am scared to love because when I do, I love way too hard. I see way beyond your flaws. Your beauty is all I ever seek. I got you like no other. I stand by you, fight for you. I’m there for you at the point of forgetting I need to take care of myself. I dive in so deep I could get lost. Many don’t get it, many don’t understand that and it scares me. I was born to love and with all of this, are hidden flaws. I’m not perfect but I’m loyal. I’m true and faithful to whoever I’m down for.
Words and promises can build castles but only actions can keep them standing tall. Reasons why today I care less about what you tell me. It may have me all lovey-dovey for a while but in the long run, your actions mean more than anything else. I learned the hard way. Had people tell me I was their most valued treasure just to leave me when I needed them the most. Or to turn out being the most inconsiderate and misunderstanding people when all I needed was their support.
So tell me, with all this, do I have to close my heart to love? Do I have to see evil everywhere I go? The answer is NO! Is there room for Cupid and his love shots? YES! You deserve love and to be loved. To be cherished beyond measurement. You deserve to be happy, truly and before trying seeking it from people, be happy with yourself. You make mistakes and it’s alright. You shouldn’t be so scared of being hurt again that you end up losing a good thing when it comes knocking. Give yourself time to know people. Listen to what they say and see if their actions match their words. Ask questions, reach out but above all things, never lose who you are just because some didn’t value you. The right ones will. Never lose your good heart/nature.
I pray we are all able to love again as deeply as we did before and this time, loving the right people. Spread love and be a rainbow in someone’s cloud. I hope Cupid won’t miss his shot this time around. Have a great week. God bless.
What are your thoughts on this? Should one be cautious about love especially after they’ve been hurt or should they let themselves to fall in love again?