I don’t know how many quotes I’ve read about fear or how many times someone told me ” Donot let your fears dictate your life. Be bold. Just go for it.” Yeah yeah I get it but really, let’s just pause for a moment. We all have our fears and we do all our best not to let that control us but what’s the deeper issue? Ok, we have the “I‘m scared of ants, snakes etc” type of fear and you have the “I’m scared of trying something new” or “I’m scared of people judging me etc” type of fear. But I do believe there is a way deeper reason to whatever we are really scared of. So let me try to break it down…
I procastinate alot and sometimes even for important stuff. I like to do things at the very last moments and I don’t know how many times I’ve been in trouble because of this. I don’t like trying new things cuz yeah, I love my comfort zone. I don’t really talk about my feelings cuz I fear people are going to judge me. I fear people might feed over my breakdowns. And I can go on and on with this but I realized there was a greater reason for all these fears and worries and insecurities. My main fear: I thought or felt I was never good enough.
If I met someone and we really clicked but for some reason or the other we get to part ways, I will carry the blame for so long. I always have this sense of guilt. I’ll have all these questions popping “What did I do wrong? It was all my fault” and it will go on for everything I ever did. I really won’t try new things cuz I just didn’t think it was meant for me you know. Computer got heavy for me cuz I just thought it wasn’t meant for me and since I am the only girl in it, whoa! I wouldn’t make it. I just knew I wasn’t good enough for it. I had already placed myself in a particular category and placed so many barriers that nothing could get me out of it because I feel that was where I belonged. I didn’t have to see the world, I was not worthy of it and the story goes on. And it was only after I realized my self-esteem was hanging on a thread, only could I make a real change.
I guess finding the real core of a problem is the beginning to healing. It’s not an easy thing but everyday, I learn to express myself more. I shouldn’t be scared of being the real me just cuz I fear people might not like me. I can’t please everyone and we always can’t have the same opinions. I shouldn’t be scared to say how I feel just cuz I don’t wanna be misunderstood or bashed. I shouldn’t be scared to talk more just cuz I feel my ideas may not be valued. Who you are and everything you do has got to be precious, priceless and the earlier you realize you’re a pearl, a rare treasure, the better your life will be.
So yes, I’m being courageous by resisting to my thoughts and thinking I’m not good enough. I’m mastering it so it doesn’t take control over my life. I think that’s what we need to do. Know the real problem behind our fears and master them. It will take time but with effort and determination, we will get past through it. Don’t be scared to fall, to break, to try, to be productive, to be creative. You are not perfect but you are worth it. You can get that job, you will find love, you can pass that course, you can be that brave person if only you never let you fear decide your future.
Rememeber, the fears we don’t face limit us. So tell me, what are you really scared of?