“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” (Mathew 16:26)
Money, fame, pride, riches, popularity, power, control, etc…We all want to be someone, somewhere, doing something we want to be recognized for. Maybe travel the world, get fancy clothes, cars, be ‘bad and boujee’ etc. But at what cost?
I remember looking at some people and wanting their lives because it seemed so perfect. I remember hearing a friend giving me good news, being so happy for them and at the same time my heart screaming “Lord when will it be my turn?“. Searching for answers in hopeless places. I remember seeing people being in relationships looking so happy and crying myself to sleep cuz I felt lonely (lol…I’m trippng) but yeah, it does happen. I remember wanting a particular job, a particular something just cuz it was fancy. I remember wanting all these things just cuz everyone had them. And when I wouldn’t get them, I’ll get sad. I was so worried about the wrong things I lost much more. The real question is, why did I want these things? Why was I ready to fight and break down earth to have the sense of belonging? Was I really ready to lose my soul just for some earthly pleasures?…
While trying to get things I didn’t need, I couldn’t afford which definetely weren’t necessary for me, I ended putting up a certain image, living a certain life and I could assure you it wasn’t me or close to who I wanted to be. Why the charade? Why the pretence? Outside I was this jolly person and always wanting to give the best of me, inside I was just an empty shell. I felt such a void. I had a split personality and no one could really know what was going on. After all, who’s interested in having late night or deep conversations as to why I feel the way I did. Let’s just move on with life and be strong right? I lost myself and so I had to pause and really understand the ‘why’ of my situation..
We are so different each and everyone of us and while I was busy comparing my life with other people, I didn’t know what struggles they go through. What they went through to be where they are and what could be in store for them. I don’t even know if I wanna go down that path. I don’t even know if that’s the kind of life I’m meant to live. What’s my purpose? I need to focus on my journey, on the process, on me and my true calling. What are my real intentions? Are they true and worthy?
I think before we wish for things let’s understand why we need them and if they are what’s best for us. “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” (1 Corinthians 10.24) Guard your heart against selfish needs/wants. Always stay true to yourself. Know yourself. Chase the right things. Priorities! Ask for discernment. And remember not everything that glitters is gold.