How do you know when to hold on or when to let go?

hold on

I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if I want it, I’ll go get it”

I used to dwell on this mentality. “If it’s meant to be, it will be” or “True love has a way of coming back” or ” Right person, wrong timing“…if it was true love or meant to be, why did it leave in the first place? I mean, isn’t there supposed to be some sort of holding on and understanding we are not perfect hence make things work through it all? Life really isn’t a bed of roses but what makes it seem okay to leave whenever you feel like things ain’t going your way and you hope some miracle will happen and somehow we’ll find our ways back? It’s really difficult to tell how life works but one thing I know is, we have the power to make the choices in our lives and we can’t just rest on some assumption things will fall into place without putting in the necessary work.

If it’s meant to  be, it will be:

Now before you come at me saying how as Christians we need to have faith and all, let me remind you that “Even Faith without works is dead” (James 2:17) So consider our common/normal relationships with humans, how much effort/grind do you think we need to put it for them to be fruitful? First off, we humans are ever changing and inconsistent so you can imagine how hard it could get trying to keep up with each other’s moods, temperaments, issues, lifestyles etc. Reasons why saying “if it’s meant to be, it will be” is kind of biased. I can go as far as saying, keeping up with that mentality may indicate we are lazy and aren’t willing to fully commit, engage and grow with someone so instead of bein effective, we give up and let fate do the rest. But sometimes fate requires alot of determination and resilience from our part.

Right person, wrong timing:

I believe there are people who are meant to be in our lives for certain seasons and different reasons. Others come to teach us lessons and mark us forever. Some stay for a lifetime (parents, siblings) even if we separate, they are part and parcel of us. Now, right person wrong timing is biased too because maybe those people were just meant to be in our lives for a season. Other times, we are just trying to cover up for our messed up relationships…maybe we don’t know how to maintain/respect people. We don’t know how to communicate properly, we don’t know how to value people and we end up chasing everyone away. So maybe before we say “right people, wrong timing” examine yourself and try finding if there was actually a wrong timing or you were just being a difficult person.

I trust there are things we can genuinely fight for (through thick and thin, difficulties, challenges etc) and there are other things we genuinely need to let them be for various reasons. So how do you know when to fight and when to let go…I’m glad you asked.

When to fight:

1) What are your reasons for fighting? Is it because you are just scared of being lonely or because you truly find that person worth it? Most of the time we are scared of being alone, scared to move on, scared to find something/someone better because we feel whatever we shared before was the ultimate best. We fear rejection, failure or the fear of making the same mistakes whereas we could be better. There’s always room for growth and more but examine your real motives.

2) It takes two people to fight for something; relationship-wise, friendship-wise etc because fighting alone is very exhausting. So test the waters, feel the energy given off, talk about it, be real. Both parties have to be on the same page, having the same values (or if they differ,be atleast willing to work through out their differencies to attain their level of joy/happiness). Two minds/hearts/hands are always better than one so when you know you aren’t doing this alone, the burden is easier to bear.

3) Be consistent. Now that you’ve decided to fight for it, set yourself changes, goals you want to achieve. What do you want to work on, is it communication, commitment,  time management.? Whatever it is, be consistent, conscious and precise about everything. Do not run at first glance of storms. Be intentional and take your time. Patience is the key.

When to let go:

If after you’ve examined your motives and you realized you’re more scared than fighting for the right reasons or if you feel you are the only one wanting this to work, then it’s time to let go. At the end of the day, you have to be real with yourself and know what’s best for you. You have the power to control your thoughts, feelings and make the right decisions. And you letting go isn’t a sign you don’t care, it means you’re strong enough to accept things aren’t the way you wished. You realize you need your space to think things through, grow. Use that time to better and rediscover yourself.  To set your standards and values so when you decide to engage into new relationships, you know exactly what you want and you put in the right amount of energy to make things right.

Finally, learn when to fight for the right things and when to leave the others alone. Remember even faith needs works so before you throw everything into destiny’s hands, know you have to work for it too. Relationships, friendships don’t grow by themselves. They need to be watered by spending time together, love, trust, honesty, loyalty, commitment, communication etc. If you want to stay, say so and even when you want to leave, say so. Own up for your choices. Be real with yoursef and tell the people around you so you can be understood.  God bless.

Sammy J.


Hey guys, thanks for reading this post. I’ll like to have your views/opinions on the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it will be”, “right person, wrong timing”. Do you believe in this or you’re the type of person to work for what you want? Thank you and can’t wait for the comments.

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16 thoughts on “How do you know when to hold on or when to let go?

  1. I don’t think this way (I mean your phrases above). I don’t have any tactic or plan. I just do what I feel that I need to do in every single moment. I always follow what I feel. It’s like reacting on what I experience without thinking about where I’m going to with it.
    And I don’t say that’s good or the best way, absolutely not, maybe it is not a good way at all but this is how I am. I don’t have strategies or plans but I have a picture of what I want and how it should be. I keep the picture in my head and let my intuition lead me every moment.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t know if I’m the type who gets what she wants. I can easily withdraw, give up, sometimes too easily. But I noticed that if I follow my intuition I always land in a good place. So if I was going to describe my process or tactics I would say: imagine the end result you want to experience (being with this person) and then just follow the signs, listen to your intuition, go without a plan just trusting that you will get there and put your mind aside because you will do irrational things on your way.

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  2. Jide

    If it’s meant to be it will be should only come up when you’ve played your part and done your best..though we are in the era of grace doesn’t mean we should be complacent. Right person wrong timing..I don’t believe that is right. We have different reasons for meeting people..though we just have to figure it out. The key is love. You might not need to be friends with everyone you meet or date them. The thing is, most of us are not intelligent emotionally. At every point in time we should be able to define our relationships not complicating everything There’s no go incidence in life. So right person wrong timing is a wrong belief system.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We really don’t have a lot of experience/knowledge when it comes to emotional intelligence and it’s one thing that hinders us. I like when you said we should define our relationships, not force or rush anything. Thank you Jyde😊

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  3. LongJorhn

    What will be will be can be traced back no one(my opinion), though is somewhat a universal phrase. but my take is you’ll rather associate it with loss, gain or mystery!
    As a human, we tends to give up easily because of too many circumstances.
    Namely, state of mind
    The economy effect on our financial life.
    Daily occurrences. Etc
    Ultimately, I use this phrase when destiny is played out!

    Am certainly not making sense right now!
    I should come back and write better!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. What is meant to be would be! If you believe that what is meant to be would be is true and you seat back and make no efforts in addressing the situation you are in. You make no attempt to step up and level up when you are found wanting, then there’s no way what is meant to be would be. I would like to relate this with this popular quote “the way you live today determines how your tomorrow would be”.

    Right person, wrong timing. That’s a popular phrase we use to console ourselves. Like we say there are no mistakes or regrets just lessons. What you make out of the situation determines the validity of the statement “right person, wrong timing”. If you learned a lesson out of the encounter no matter how bitter and costly the lesson is/was, then it was right person right timing. If you learned no lesson then it was right person/timing, wrong timing/person which to me is whack. 🙂

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    1. Your points are so spot on. We can’t sit back doing nothing and expect things to work our way reasons why we always need to put in the necessary work. If we learned lessons from people then it was definitely right person, right timing.
      This was so well put and explained. Thank you Carlson for taking time to comment and reading this blog post🙏. Have a blessed day

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  5. Paul EA

    If it’s meant to be , it’ll be… if only we still had manner falling from heaven. This statement itself blinds a lot of people and keeps them in their comfort zones of not doing what they ought to be doing. It only creates assumption and would land many people into fantasies that will never exist. I believe that every action should have an equal and opposite reaction and NOT every action hoping to get returns if life permits (if it is to Be ) that is why I prefere saying
    “If it is meant to be, It is up to me” –
    Because o our actions can take no us so far, not hopes of just getting far.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. What does the quote “If it’s meant to be, it will be,” means in my opinion exactly that. If I am applying this to life, I would say that forcing anything to happen is fruitless. We were not put here to struggle, to wrestle the square peg into the round hole.

    Perhaps what is, simply is, and what isn’t, simply isn’t. I would rather flow through life, expecting/demanding nothing, and appreciating/being grateful for all.

    Yes! Do the work for the things that you want, but especially need in life. If what you are striving for is for you, then you will have it. Stop forcing it. Be patient with it. Stay your sword!

    Liked by 1 person

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