6 important lessons I learned about love.

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Valentine’s day has never been a great deal for me either because I’ve always been in long distance relationships, single or that gifts are not really my thing. What’s funny is I’m actually a romantic person so I wonder what goes wrong. But on this day, I get time to reflect on how I’ve dealt with my relationships in the past and what love could possibly mean to me.

1) Before I could date someone, I needed to date myself.

I don’t know if people understand the importance of self love and actually knowing oneself. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for the rest of your relationships. What you allow, tolerate and let slide will continue. What you haven’t solved, healed and dealt with in your singleness, will be revealed in your togetherness. People see relationships as being all mushy and lovey-dovey and all but that’s just the butterfly case. A real relationship will expose you in ways you could never imagine. Things you thought you could handle or be good at, may not even be all that. I cannot remember how many times I projected my fears and insecurities on my partner. I cannot begin to explain why I thought he could be this person who could save me from my demons. It wasn’t until I learned to love myself (both the good and the bad), to accept my flaws, to own my truth, that I was ready to love someone. Trusting another person has a lot to do with how free you are with yourself. Love cannot dwell in a place of fear or doubt. When you are free with yourself, only then can you allow another person in.

Self-love is not selfish. Only people who love themselves can love others. Self-love is self-awareness, self-respect, self-care and self-esteem. When you love yourself, you’re patient with yourself. You allow yourself to understand your emotions, instead of putting unnecessary pressures on yourself, demanding, expecting and depending on someone else to meet your needs.

Don’t depend on other people to love you the way that you should love yourself. You need to figure yourself out, know who you are, what you need, what you what, why you are here, where you come from and where you’re headed. If not, anything and everyone will dictate and lead you to roads you had no business taking.

2) Love is a decision, a choice.

Choose the one you love, then love the one you choose.

Love is an emotion, true but at the end of the day, it is a conscious thing. You choose to feel. So if you let your love be based off emotions then you’ll find yourself loving, hating, judging, leaving someone every now and then. Let your love be a force, a daily renewal of the decision of choosing them over and over again. It’s

3) Love is about friendship.

You have to be with someone who you’re best friends with. Someone who likes you enough to see your flaws and all still want you. Real friends aren’t there for your convenience. They will tell you the truth; what you need to hear and not what you want to hear. Real friends speak with tears in their eyes, voice shaking, heart breaking, a courage to say “You’re better than this”. Love is about someone who treasures your heart, protects it. Wants the best for you. Wants you to grow. Someone you can trust, someone you feel at home with.  A bond that can’t be broken.

4) Commitment:

We are in a generation where people run at the slightest sight of difficulties. If we get uncomfortable, then surely this relationship was never meant to be. We forget relationships take time, energy, effort, patience, and a lot of understanding. Distance is not an issue if the soul still feels. Relationships are engagements and when we sign up for them, we need to keep the same energy we have at the start. Love nurtures, it takes care of one’s heart. It is patient, it listens. It gives, freely. It sets you free.

5) Honesty and Communication:

Ughhh I cannot stress on this. Emotional intelligence is so key. You have to know how to express yourself. You need to learn to meet your partner half-way. Not everything needs to be addressed. Know what you’re projecting and what you can deal with on your own. Your partner should not be your punchbag. Honesty starts with self so when you have acknowledged your feelings, learn how to articulate and express yourself fluently. Don’t go off. Take your time and allow your partner to understand you.

6) You need to have separate lives.

Sometimes we make this mistake and crown our partner ‘ our world’. We forget we have friends, we get jealous when they spend time with people of the other sex or even sometimes their friends. We are almost possessive. The key to a relationship is the fact that two whole people came together. They have their owns likes, activities, priorities, concerns etc. Sometimes your partner needs space. You need time for yourself too so learn to have healthy habits. You are allowed to have friends, go out and have some stuff you and your partner don’t have in common.

Well, Happy valentine’s day for you and yours and for the single ones, may we enjoy our singleness. Cheers.

Sammy J.

Happy Valentine’s day and I hope you guys are spending it with your loved ones. If there are some other facts about love you’ll love to share with me, then comment below. It’s also the beginning of lent so I hope we take this time out to make peace with ourselves, others and God. Blessings.


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