The most profound relationship we can ever have is the one we have with ourselves.
It’s almost as if being single is a taboo. Everyone on the internet is in the race of whose relationship is the best. Whose relationship lasts longer. Who has the best boy or girlfriend. And when some couples break up, then it’s a shaming contest. A whole charade of people mocking, saying “lmao so you guys have broken up? Didn’t you say it was a match made in heaven? ” Its sad. And all of this really puts my idea of relationships in perspective.
African moms can kill for a wedding. But before you even get a husband, they low-key don’t want you to date. For them, a husband will just appear to you and BOOM, marriage😂. When a daughter reaches mid 20s, you already hear talks like “when are you getting married? Your friends are even pregnant and all so when is your turn?“. When you start reaching your late 20s, saturdays can be horrible for you because everyone is like ” so it’s another Saturday and yet no man to come and take you away from us?“..( Saturday is usually the day for marriages in African cultures). Moms be screaming ” don’t you want me to carry my grand-children?I’m getting old and I need to see my grand-children“…this is way too much pressure to any woman. Men can be less stressed on this because the woman is believed to age more than the man so a man can marry whenever he feels like. But we women,we have to rush. Get into that marriage and give birth before we reach menopause. Is marriage really an accomplishment or the apogee of a woman’s life?
My mum held this speech for a while. She was like “please hurry and get your degree then get married“. And whenever a friend of mine got married, she will text me and tell me about it and start asking questions like ” so when is your turn?“. I used to laugh and tell her ” Mum, just because my friends are getting married or having kids don’t mean I should join the line. It will come when it comes“. And we let it slide. I wonder what will ever happen if I said “but mom I don’t even want to get married “😂😂😂. I would be in a family meeting in less than an hour with the family pastor praying for me😂😂. I want to get married though…it just shouldn’t be some sort of pressure or life-ending matter. So I take my single life pretty seriously because you have to know who you are, what you want, where you’re going to, to be able to relate and function with someone else.
What is not healed or addressed in your singleness, will grow in your togetherness.
I live by this because it is so true. People feel like love is always this cozy rose flowered bed and everything seems so nice and fun but it can be a roller coaster. Love exposes you. And people are usually mirrors of who we are or who we want to be. Good and bad. So when we get into relationships and we experiences these changes, challenges etc , most of the time people run from them and try getting into new relationships hoping to find some peace; some more fun. But we go back to the same issues.
Sometimes we scream toxic people all over but have we ever stopped to think maybe we are the ones who are toxic ? Have we ever stopped to think we are the ones projecting our insecurities? Have we ever stopped to think we are the ones bringing out that character in the other person because of our own character? When you break up or when your partner complains about something you do, do you sit down to reflect on it? Do we ever self-reflect to see if we have issues we need working on?
When we don’t take time to know ourselves, love ourselves, respect ourselves, set boundaries, be self-aware…we won’t know how to do it for someone else. Everything you are looking for is in you. You have to learn how to be content alone. You have to learn how to be happy alone. You have to love your own company. Date yourself before even dating someone else. When we try to find validation from people, we end up being disappointed in them because they don’t meet our needs like we want them to. But if you just found peace, self-worth, love, respect and all of that in You, you wouldn’t be so moved by everything else. You’d know even if people leave You, your self-worth isn’t gone with them because you had that even before they came into your life. If they hurt and don’t love You, it may be painful but you don’t try filling a void they might have left because you had love in you before they even came into your life. When you have all those things for yourself, people will add and sometimes remove, but you will never be empty.
I don’t ever want to get into a relationships for the wrong reasons. I don’t want to be with someone because I’m lonely. I don’t want be with someone because I’m trying to make another person jealous. I don’t want to be someone because my friends are in relationships so I need to be in one too. I don’t want to be with someone because I’m bored. I don’t want to be with someone because I want to fill a void. I don’t want to be with someone because I am empty. I don’t want to be with someone because I’m pressured to. I don’t want to be with someone because I’m getting old and I feel like if I don’t get into a relationship or get married, then my life will be over. I don’t ever want to be with someone I barely like or for financial statuses. Ever!
I want to be in a relationship because I love them. Because I am ready to be with someone. Because I trust them. Because I see a future with them. Because I respect them. Because I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do. Because I want it. I want to be with someone for all the right reasons.
The only thing I’m committed to right now is bettering myself.
So for anyone single and feeling pressured or wondering why they haven’t met the right guy and not feeling enough and all of that, review your reasons why you want to be in a relationship. Practice self love. Find God. Focus on being better and walking in purpose. Soak so much in You. Pour so much into you. Grow so much that when someone comes into your life, you can pout into them too.
Then…. love others.
You may be single but you’re never alone. Have a blessed weekend.
Hey guys, what do you think about being single? What does a relationship represent to you? Do you ever feel pressured to get into a relationship or feel weird when you’re not in one? How much do you value your time alone or single period? Drop comments let’s chat.